Take a Hint… Then Take a Hike

Dear Dating Profile Stalker,

First of all, you creep me out.  No one needs to view my profile every single day of the week. No one needs to send me three messages in the space of two minutes, especially when all three messages are canned, pre-written responses compiled by the dating service.  Now, you’re just being a jerk.  I don’t like jerks.

Second of all, if you send me a message asking if I’m interested, and I tell you no, very politely, and wish you luck in your search, this is not code for “please keep sending me messages.”

What part of “we’re not compatible” did you not understand?

Maybe you’re thinking that I couldn’t possibly have made a decision like that with such finality & expediency since I don’t really know you.  Since you apparently prefer conversations that come with their own decoder ring, let me help you out.

“We’re not compatible” is code for, “Hit the road, weirdo!

I, in fact, can make decisions that fast. The fact that you can’t accept it just shows you don’t respect me, further proving my point.

When I look at your picture, your goggle-eyed, crosswise stare sends chills down my spine, and not in a good way.  The fact that you posted a photo like that shows you lack judgement, which only adds credence to my assertions.

Your continued unsolicited & rebuffed communications reaffirms my first inclination of classifying you as a weirdo stalker. I’m assuming stalkers don’t make great life-mates. I can accept the idea that I could be wrong about that, but, I’m gonna go with my gut on this one.

If you know what’s good for you, you’ll direct your cray cray elsewhere, but cray crays usually don’t. Shameful.

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